Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts

Sunday, December 7, 2025

2025.12.07 The Advent of What? Whose? When? Whom? Why? Spiritual Lemons, Lyn Brakeman, blog post



Most small children think that Santa Claus is a real person who will appear in the night to leave them gifts. It’s a hooker as huge as any traditional fairy-tale opener:  “Once Upon a Time”.  What? I hold my breathe still.   


Is it fair to raise a child’s expectations that you have already made unmeetable, like bring Daddy back, or tell Mommy not to tell lies about miracles, such as me. I won’t easily forgot my own experience of finding my wee baby tooth in the medicine cabinet wrapped in a tissue. Some tooth fairy!!  Not to mention that we lived in a NYC apartment and had NO chimney, not that I once caught my mother sneaking in to remove the milk and cookies we left, making sure she scattered a few crumbs and left the milk glass empty with milk on its rim. 


Even the classic Christian answer, about a sixth century Bishop, Nicholas of Myra, who actually did go around and leave small gifts and food at the doorsteps of homes he knew were impoverished.  That was true gift from a real ancient bishop from the far east who really did distribute gifts to children at Christmas time. There is definitely some holiness in such a tradition but few acknowledge it any more.  


There is such a thing, however, as on-the-ground fact, and there also is truth, often called Myth.  A Myth is not a lie.  It is simply a different perspective, a slant, on a common scenario. Most so-called fairy tales are social commentary on cruel situations turned upside down. Cinderella was a girl (beautiful blonde of course) forced into slavery by her Mistress, the “evil stepmother” (aka dad’s new wife) who is driven by jealousy and grief. Truth or fact?  Likely truth. 


Little mice scheme to rescue Cindy by chasing down a handsome prince to rescue her and carry her off to live in the castle, marry her course and thus legitimize her justification, her worth, her lovability. Truth? Possibly. Fact: proposition that does verify her hopes, her dreams, her worth as a woman her marriage-ability—for now.  Myth: Cindy’s happiness lasts forever and ever. Truth: maybe. 


A fact in time does not tie down any event or circumstance forever and ever. A myth makes us feel better, yet it is temporary beauty, never forever and ever for everyone, amen. We have hope and each other—gifts all. 


Grace is a gift free of charge and charges. Fact: God knows. Truth: we are free to choose, also to choose again.  Process: Tell it all and tell is slant!  


Wisdom from Emily Dickinson, a reclusive poet who lived in Amherst Massachusetts (1830-1886). Here below is her take on truth-telling:  Tell all the truth but tell it slant—


Success in Circuit lies

Too bright for our infirm Delight

The Truth’s superb surprise

As Lightning to the Children eased

With explanation kind

The Truth must dazzle gradually

Or every man be blind—


 

Sunday, December 12, 2021

2021.12.12 The Arts in Advent. What Poems Can Do.

Poetry is one of the most subtle, supple, and sacred arts. Here is the story of one poet whose soul spoke wonders in poems.  


Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American educator and poet, was born in 1807, the second of eight children, in Portland, Maine, which was then a part of Massachusetts. He was studious and became fluent in Latin, publishing his first poem in the Portland Gazette in 1820, at age thirteen. Henry entered Bowdoin College and graduated Phi Beta Kappa at 15.


As a senior, Longfellow wrote to his father about his own aspiration in literature:  “I will not disguise it in the least…. the fact is, I most eagerly aspire after future eminence in literature, my whole soul burns most ardently after it, and every earthly thought centres in it…. I am almost confident in believing, that if I can ever rise in the world it must be by the exercise of my talents in the wide field of literature.” 


*  *  *  *


I can identify with such determination and passionate confidence. Growing up, I discovered who I was through diaries and journals. Still, as an adult woman I was not as fee as Longfellow. I wanted a family, plus a bit of writerly status. I became a thief of time, fitting writing into the rest of my life, personal and professional as an Episcopal priest.  


*  *  *  *


In 1829, Longfellow turned down a professorship at Bowdoin College. Imagine! He wrote to the president of Bowdoin that he was turning down the professorship because he considered the $600 salary "disproportionate to the duties required". The trustees raised his salary to $800 with an additional $100 to serve as the college’s Librarian. All of this was to him a “joyless work.” So guess what?—he married a childhood friend, Mary Storer Potter, and they settled into marital unhappiness.    


By 1834, he was contacted by the president of Harvard to be contracted as professor of modern languages but stipulated he had to study abroad first. There he studied German, Finnish, Swedish, Danish and Icelandic. In October of 1835, Mary miscarried at six months and died. Longfellow sent Mary’s body to be buried in Mt Auburn Cemetery in Cmbridge and fell into a deep sadness. “All day I am weary and sad.” 


Returning to Harvard in 1836, this young brooding man of thirty, lived in Cambridge at Craigie House where he rented rooms and began to publish poetry. Longfellow was well liked as a professor, though he disliked being "constantly a playmate for boys" rather than "stretching out and grappling with men's minds.” The malice of discontent took residence in his grieving midlife soul. 


*  *  *  *


I recall a similar midlife feeling when I was a young mother of four blooming children and married to a husband pursuing his own ambitions and not home enough to be a companion/partner in project life. I prayed and lamented. I experimented with extramarital flirtations. Unable to find each other, my first husband and I divorced in 1982. I journaled my way through it all. 


*  *  *  * 


Longfellow married Frances (Fanny) Appleton in 1843 after a very long courtship in which he pursued her over seven years with vigor and passion. When she finally agreed he was so nervous he walked 90 minutes to her house on Beacon Hill in Boston and crossed the Boston Bridge which, as of 1906, was renamed the Longfellow Bridge. Perhaps the American version of the Florentine Bridge of Sighs. 


The couple had six children. Tragedy struck in 1861. Fanny was putting locks of her children's hair into an envelope and attempting to seal it with hot sealing wax while Longfellow took a nap. Her dress suddenly caught fire, though it is unclear exactly how; burning wax or a lighted candle may have fallen onto it. Longfellow was awakened from his nap and rushed to help her, throwing a small rug over her, and trying to stifle the flames with his body. Fanny was taken to her room to recover and a doctor was called. She was in and out of consciousness throughout the night and was administered ether. She died shortly after 10:00 the next morning, July 10, after requesting a cup of coffee. 


Longfellow, in trying to save her, had burned himself badly. He was unable to attend her funeral. His facial injuries led him to stop shaving, and he wore a beard from then on. That beard became his trademark. We all have scars to hide or disguise—most of them left by love.  




















Devastated by her death, Longfellow resorted to laudanum and ether to deal with his grief, begged not to be sent to an asylum, and noted he was “inwardly bleeding to death.”  Eighteen years later he wrote a sonnet: “The Cross of Snow”:  


Such is the cross I wear upon my breast

These eighteen years, through all the changing scenes

And seasons, changeless since the day she died. 


*  *  *  *


In the late 1970s into the 80s I too experienced such an overload of grief—a deluge in which I thought I would drown. My youngest sister died, my father died, my marriage died, my divorce was finalized, and my vocational aspirations in the Episcopal Church died. At the same time I suffered a bout of asthma so severe it resisted usual treatments. A pulmonologist administered medical treatment enough to help me breathe, but my lungs have never been the same. They carry the memory of all that grief. 


When you banish or bury pain you also banish love. Therapy helped me retrieve my lost feelings, including anger, and saved me from drowning, or trying to live a rich full life from the neck up only! Writing, theological studies, prayer retreats, liturgy, growing children, therapy, and trying out big sins also helped round me out. In time I found a new and vital lover whom I married, and a new diocesan bishop in time ordained me deacon in 1987 and priest in1988.  


  *  *  *  *


Longfellow's personality became part of his reputation, in part because he had been presented as a gentle, placid, poetic soul, an image perpetuated by his brother Samuel Longfellow who wrote an early biography which specifically emphasized these points. James Russell Lowell said, Longfellow had an "absolute sweetness, simplicity, and modesty.”  At his funeral Ralph Waldo Emerson called him “a sweet and beautiful soul.’ His real life, however, was more difficult than people assumed, or than he let on. He had neuralgia, chronic pain and poor eyesight, and much bereavement over the death of his wives and later a daughter. He was quiet, reserved, private, and more introverted. He found his energy and emotions through his poetry. In later years he became unsocial and avoided leaving home, dying at 75.  


When you banish pain you banish love.  


Longfellow remained popular with children, who adored him. He wrote a poem about the village blacksmith under the spreading chestnut tree. When that tree was cut down, the children of Cambridge, Massachusetts, had it converted into an armchair they presented to him. I still hold dear this phrase in his poem “The Children’s Hour.”  I begged my mother to read it nightly. It made me feel important. 


Between the dark and the daylight,

      When the night is beginning to lower,

Comes a pause in the day's occupations,

      That is known as the Children's Hour.


After Longfellow’s death, his bust was placed in Westminster Abbey in London, the only American so honored. He was also honored with a commemorative stamp issued by the US Postal Service.  All this, yet his popularity declined quickly after his death in 1882 as academics shifted their attention to other poets like Frost and Whitman. The twentieth century literary scholar Kermit Vanderbilt noted, "Increasingly rare is the scholar who braves ridicule to justify the art of Longfellow's popular rhymings.”


*  *  *  *

Such scholarly snobbery angers me. I tend to write it off as the jealousy of lesser, maybe would-be, poets and those who refuse to acknowledge the joy of children  who live their live in rhyme. Why do we all remember nursery rhymes so well?  I remember memorizing some of Longfellow’s work, as does my youngest son John, now fifty-one, who recently told me that when he struggled in school with learning problems, bullying, and later with colitis, he would every day read to himself before he went to bed Longfellow’s poem of 1844. I wept.


 “The Day Is Done”   


The day is done, and the darkness 

      Falls from the wings of Night, 

As a feather is wafted downward 

      From an eagle in his flight. 


I see the lights of the village 

      Gleam through the rain and the mist, 

And a feeling of sadness comes o'er me 

      That my soul cannot resist: 

A feeling of sadness and longing, 

      That is not akin to pain, 

And resembles sorrow only 

      As the mist resembles the rain. 


Come, read to me some poem, 

      Some simple and heartfelt lay, 

That shall soothe this restless feeling, 

      And banish the thoughts of day. 


For, like strains of martial music, 

      Their mighty thoughts suggest 

Life's endless toil and endeavor; 

      And tonight I long for rest. 


Read from some humbler poet, 

      Whose songs gushed from his heart, 

As showers from the clouds of summer, 

      Or tears from the eyelids start; 


Who, through long days of labor, 

      And nights devoid of ease, 

Still heard in his soul the music 

      Of wonderful melodies. 


Such songs have power to quiet 

      The restless pulse of care, 

And come like the benediction 

      That follows after prayer. 


Then read from the treasured volume 

      The poem of thy choice, 

And lend to the rhyme of the poet 

      The beauty of thy voice. 


And the night shall be filled with music, 

      And the cares, that infest the day, 

Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs, 

And as silently steal away.


Longfellow captured hearts and soothed souls, even if his poetry wasn’t gushing with subjectivity or bulging with the latest innovations. It was enough for me to cross over the Longfellow Bridge in Cambridge regularly. That bridge always meant we were nearing home.


As I age, I feel, with Longfellow, that “sadness of longing not akin to pain”—the deep sigh of homing. That’s what the gentle flow of a poem’s soul can do for my own soul.


*  *  *  *


There are reasons why gospel writers  remember Jesus’s affection and wonder at children—the chief exemplars and purveyors of the heavenly kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. 

Sunday, September 19, 2021

Choosing Up Disciples—Images of God

Jesus of Nazareth’s disciples, save for one latecomer, an accountant/taxman, named Matthew, were nothing if not a motley, rowdy, band of guys, eking out a living from the daily catch—of fish. Women joined in, but they received little mention in the biblical records. 

Why would Jesus, who hoped to surround himself with loyal followers to whom he would reiterate the basics of the Torah covenant with God and carry on with the vision of a heavenly kingdom on earth, choose people from society’s blue collars? It’s backwards! 


Well, because God does everything backwards—Jesus a prime example, right? 


The truth is that we are ALL among the chosen. It’s just that those whom human society ranks last get to go first in God’s created order, especially animal critters and children who often do know best, because they don’t think it over, and over and over, then rethink it—again. 


There follows a record of our own silly personal “disciples”—images of God, all.  


Here are our own dear “babies”—stuffed and silent: Miss Wise, owl, Leo, lion, Ganley I & II, hedgehogs, Walter, fishie, and Izzy, lady bug. They are very real in our hearts. We talk to them, sometimes through them, and let them sleep with us. 




















Here is a very small shoe lost on the playground, then retrieved by a kind adult or an older child. It sits aloft on the pylon that escapes no one’s notice as everyone enters the playground to play.




















Here is an elephant family on parade, painted on a changing table in the bathroom of a doctor’s office. It’s cute, right? It’s also sexist: Male leads, female follows, baby girl follows. You can tell the sex, because the girls follow and have lashes to flirt with. Big daddy leads and has no lashes. 




















Here is a child full of wise questions and lots of his own talk. Recently, he told his father he “talked in school.” Daddy thought that was great, but son tugged at his father’s shirt and said: “No, Daddy, you don’t understand I TALKED in class. I mean when someone talks to you you’re supposed to answer and talk too, right? ” Daddy got the idea: no talking in class was the teacher’s rule, and the child was making a preemptive confession in case the teacher called his parents. A preemptive strike at six, no less! 




















Here is a lion king (painted by Gaby D’Alessandro). He is majesty itself, elegant and outstanding for his roar and his finery. The lioness is nondescript and unadorned. It’s safer for mom to be plain and less attractive to predators, because Mom she stays home with the kid-cubs. In human nature it’s just the opposite—to our peril perhaps yet for our good.  




















Here are four really fine adult children of mine—John, Jill, Bev, Rob. I cherish every breath they take and thank God for their well-being daily. Some days I think of them as my prayers-made-flesh. 




















Here is an old woman sitting on the back of the truck amidst “junk” collected from a parish clean-up. She is a faithful Christian with a smile of gold. The truck will dispose of the junk but she will stay. She is not junk. 




















Here is an infant boy, fisting the leash of the faithful family guard dog who will not sprint off, even after a squirrel. This is love. This child, like all children, including the one you once were, will lead us—with dog’s help.  




















In the wreckage 

of our battles

where the powers 

have collided

we find greatness

shyly hiding

in the frailty 

of our children.    (Michael Hudson) 


And here is Nature Herself—dawnsweep over calm waters— Creator’s voiced assurance.  (photo credit, Dr. H.C. Richardson)