So here’s a small story—a joke and not a joke.
One morning a husband returns to the cabin
after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife
decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat.
He pulls up along side the woman and says, Good morning, Madam, what are you doing?”
“Reading a book” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)
“You’re in a restricted fishing area”, he informed her.
“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to write you a ticket.”
“For reading a book,” she replies.
“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her again.
“But officer, I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any minute.
I’ll have to write you up a ticket, and you’ll have to pay a fine.”
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault”, says the woman.
“But, I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.
“That’s true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start any moment.”
“Have a nice day, ma’am”, he said, and departed immediately.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think. Sure, God created man before woman. But then, you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.
We Christians hear a lot about the mission of Christ, the human manifestation of Divinity on earth. We think it’s a mission to convert everyone in sight to Christianity—my brand of course. Some of us think Christ is only a title for Jesus. But I’m sure this mission is more expansive—a mission to enliven all Life everywhere. A mission to unite us all.
How? Follow the Golden Rule— golden because, it’s not a business deal; it has no value, is often costly, pays little interest, and, more often than not, you don’t see much payoff. It is simply how we get along, and it requires grit, chutzpah, grace and a wicked sense of humor with a twist. The biblical version of this rule of life is in the biblical book Leviticus 19:18: “. . . you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.” End of conversation. Jesus the Christ grew up with this rule and studied it like all good little Jewish boys. It was Holiness School; it was his credo. All religions advocate this way of life and, in spite of the tedious, rule-bound elaborations in Leviticus, this rule abides.
So here’s a story about Leviticus—no joke yet funny. A boy of fifteen approached his grandmother with a pressing question she alone, the boy thought, could answer. He thought this because his grandma went to church and studied the Bible. The boy had searched for advice in the Bible and read in Leviticus (15:16, 32) that having a nocturnal emission of semen was against the law of God and could render him unclean, rejected by God—horrifyingly, to this teenage boy, the end of all sentient life. The grandmother chuckled inside herself, recognizing the boy’s urgency over what moderns would call a wet dream, but she answered with serious aplomb: “Well, my dear, you are a wonderful boy with normal inclinations. I love you. Stop reading Leviticus.” And from that day on forevermore, this boy was known to his grandmother and her closest friends as Leviticus.
MORAL: always trust a wise old woman who reads the Bible. It’s likely she takes it seriously with her tongue in her cheek and you in her heart.
