Sunday, September 25, 2022

2022.09.23 Listen to Impossible Possible Dreams, Lyn G. Brakeman, Spiritual Lemons, blog post



I know I tell my small story many times over. It is, however, important to re-tell, re-member, re-live, re-love. This process itself re-generates that original connection with the God, both immanent and transcendent, who listened, listens, and re-listens—always—to any and all dreams and hopes.

*  *  *  *


The “dream” chats I had as a young child were not childish, nor did they die. We all have such dreams and they can expand and mature and modify themselves into vocations or life paths—even great visions, movements for love or justice, or perhaps happily imperfect marriages and parenthood. Favorite childhood books often provide clues about inmost dreams, heart’s-desires, hopes, and actual futures—all derived from early dream particles.


My childhood dreams were not of being president, or a high-hatted church bishop, or Pope, or even God. All I wanted was to be listened to. It wasn’t an impossible dream like Don Quijote’s. It was just a small girl’s peevish protest at having to play second fiddle for a short time each evening to the primacy of Dad's triangle-shaped martini glass. I couldn’t compete with such omnipotence, so I dreamed simply of an attentive listener.


That’s how I first met God. God, the one on the cloud who listened to all the sounds of Earth according to my own favorite book. That God listened to me, too. That’s how I first learned that I mattered, that listening itself mattered as much as talking, even though I did most of the talking. I still do, and I’m 84!  


My listening God, I must add, did nothing at all to make all my little requests come true, according to my expected time table. As I grew up I continued to talk to my listening God and called it prayer. It turned out it was much harder to get the institutional Episcopal Church to listen to my dream-prayers of being a priest of pulpit and altar when I was also the mother of four beloved growing children, than it was to get God to listen. I never stopped my talky prayers, and God kept listening. As the years passed, I too started to listen to God, and seek God’s presence in myself and everywhere. You’d be amazed at how immense God is. I was.  


*  *  *  *


As to the Martini glass? It disappeared over the years. You get sick of things that make you sick after a while.  


As to my focused aspirations?  The Episcopal Church, not the church in which I grew up, finally arranged itself to ordain women priests, and then to ordain me priest in 1988, a scant five months before I turned fifty, not my plan but my joy anyway.


As to God? Well, God still listens with care, and, according to me, takes her/his/their own sweet time getting all religions to figure out how to eliminate all those masculine pronouns that simply don’t fit to describe Divinity. I write and pray this dream: that women, all genders, and all ethnicities will be welcomed and included at all levels of institutional functioning. You’d think that by now God would have acted out in wrath at all this torpor, but God doesn’t do such things, even if lots of good people think God does. I knew that by now. 


As to listening?  It is not an auditory function, it is spiritual—divinely endowed and meant to enliven the collective well-being of all Creation. You listen with your whole being. I try. 


*  *  *  * 


What about God’s own dream? That we all love, respect, listen, and promote the dignity of all humankind as well as the whole created order. Our part is to LISTEN—not agree, assume, persuade, approve, critique, argue, snipe, elect, fight, or shoot. My dream is that we listen with open-mindedness to ourselves and others, even supposed enemies, the insane, the criminal, the rich and the poor alike. I try. 

Sunday, September 18, 2022

2022.09.18 God's Wealth, Lyn G. Brakeman, Spiritual Lemons, blog post

 


Jesus, a good rabbinical teacher, is remembered as telling his listeners realistic illustrative stories that often challenge long-held, traditional assumptions. No one goes away unmoved after listening to one of his parables; everyone is called up short.   


The parable in Luke (16:-13) about a businessman of great corporate wealth who suspects his business manager of squandering his properties and profits and threatens to fire him, is one that always leaves me reeling, gets me twisted in knots. Business as usual is obviously not an option in God’s economy. But what is?  Christian scholar and theologian, John Dominic Crossan, calls this story a challenge parable—not morally obvious but spiritually unsettling. Money tends to do that to most of us. 

*  *  *  *  


Once there was this business manager who panicked at the thought of losing his job. He devised a scheme whereby, if he is fired he will be taken care of by those who can least afford to do that. Why can’t he take care of himself? Because he is not strong enough to work, too ashamed to beg, and just plain scared. So he schemes.


The scheme: When debtors come to repay their legitimate debt to the boss, the manager tells each of them to halve the amount due and pay only that. Thus he cheats the boss out of his legitimate profit, and gains some money for himself as well as good will around the neighborhood.

 

He imagines that his “generosity” to the poor debtors might also please God who, according to Jesus’s teachings, likes open-hearted generosity. But Jesus tells the story to warn listeners that wealth accrued by cheating, even if you think the businessman has too much wealth, is itself dishonest behavior not pleasing to God. 


One cannot, Jesus teaches, “buy” friendship with money, and wealth accrued by dishonest means is an insult to the ways of God, or divine economics. And here Jesus delivers one of his best, and probably least heeded yet most preached, one-liners: “You cannot serve two masters, both God and wealth/mammon”  


The semitic translation of “mammon” is “that in which one fully trusts.”  Frankly, I do feel more secure when there is money in my wallet, and in my bank, and a credit card in my bag.   But what good would that do me if my purse were snatched, my wallet and checkbook gone. I’d feel naked, unsafe. I’d report everything. I’d pray. I’d give thanks that I was alive and that my wee phone was still safely tucked away in my back pocket. I would also know that this all was not what God would like at all, and not because of the money I lost.  


*  *  *  * 

God obviously does not despise money or wealth itself. What God despises are two things: first, putting your whole trust in your wealth, as if wealth could save you, or love you, or even give you emotional comfort; and second, the regular practice of “dishonest”—half-hearted— generosity. Pop a coin in a beggar’s cup, but never a paper bill. 


The mental calculation might go something like this: AFTER I have my yacht, my mansion, my diamonds, my fortune, my business, my high moral standing, my religion, my politics, my comfort, THEN I will become a philanthropist and give generously and unconditionally to works of justice, the arts, and the needs of others.


Is philanthropy, the name we often use to describe the generosity of BIG donors to benefit  good causes, and a word derived from philos + anthropos, meaning man-loving or human-loving, in line with divine open-hearted generosity? Or is God’s generosity something we desire but that we are sure is unattainable, because, after all, we are only human? Ah yes, and we are also rich with grace, beauty, love, wisdom, and hope. Are these not the riches of God?


*  *  *  *


Can we, in partnership with God,

be trusted then to waste,

to lavish, spread, fling far too wide

the riches of God’s grace?

-hymn text by Episcopal priest, Michael Hudson, Songs for the Cycle, 2004 

Sunday, September 11, 2022

2022.09.11 Lost? Lyn G. Brakeman, Spiritual Lemons, blog post



God is tender, gentle and compassionate. So said Pope Francis, Bishop of Rome, and such is my own experience. These ARE the qualities of almightiness, divinity, and supremacy—lest anyone should think otherwise, according to traditional human projections onto God. Nothing is lost in God’s compassionate heart. 


*  *  *  *


Ever been lost? Lost your way, your direction? Lost a precious possession? A cause you fought for and lost?  Your very soul?  Apparently, the biblical God loses stuff all the time: the cause of justice and mercy, the divine temper, all followers, the entire promised land, a lamb, a beloved son. 


That’s tough going. God rages with deep grief and tears. 


Stories that portray God as a loser, that show God having tender moments and painful feelings, like grief and longing, that dethrone God from perfect Love and Almightiness, are the very stories that “find” me whenever I feel lost in some way. 


I am of course remembering today the event of 2001 in New York city, my hometown. We call it  “NINE-ELEVEN”— a murderous event with many (3000 people) tragic losses that sent waves and shivers of grief and fear throughout our land and beyond. Yes, I can still see, in my mind’s eye, the flaming planes shearing off the top of the towers. Memorials are erected and many still weep. So does God. Why didn’t God prevent this loss? Because God didn’t do it, we did. God grieves and grief  helps us claim life anew. God lives in the grief and in the tears of ALL, and in the lingering fears, and in the many ways all living things, Nature and Human Nature alike, get lost. 


*  *  *  *


People worldwide weep, remember, and grieve collectively over the recent death of Queen Elizabeth II of England. Why? She was their steadfast monarch of 70 years, not ours. Not mine some say, and turn away. They were our enemies. Why should I care? Because God cares. Elizabeth was the world’s royal symbol of steadfast presence through a life full of loss and pain and family chaos—just like us all.


One of my top hits when I was a small child was a song I called “Dom Ring”:


My country, 'tis of thee,

Sweet land of liberty,

Of thee I sing;

Land where my fathers died,

Land of the pilgrims' pride,

From ev'ry mountainside

Let freeDOM RING!


The text of this verse was written by Samuel Francis Smith, 1831, student at Andover Newton Theological School in Andover Massachusetts, now located on the campus of Yale Divinity School from which I graduated in 1986.  


As a child I knew nothing of patriotism. These men were not my fathers. I didn’t know any pilgrims on mountainsides. I knew however that this song meant wonderful things. So I lustily sang. 


The tune is the same as the one England sings, now and always, on all occasions of life and death, for their country and their royalty: “God save our gracious queen ….”  All history required of them was to change the gender role from King to Queen. But the tune remains the same. 


God save our gracious QUEEN!

Long live our noble QUEEN!

God save the QUEEN!

Send her victorious,

Happy and glorious,

Long to reign over us,

God save the QUEEN.         Let freeDOM RING.   


The hymn and the anthem were written at times of war between enemies, both fighting for freedom and power or whatever other foolishness we human connive at. Still, the music itself binds, carries. It never takes side. Nor does God who keeps on singing, grieving, weeping, losing and finding us all in us all. Sing on!


*  *  *  *

FINALE:  The Ukrainian Freedom Orchestra, conducted by Canadian/Ukrainian, Keri-Lynn Wilson, and including some recent refugees, some of whom shed tears and spoke of how hard this emergent orchestra was at first, because, as a young women bassoonist said, “We had never played together before. It was a mess, but then we took off.”  One violinist said he was so bereft he had no idea what he could do, feeling the loss of his parents and others still trapped in Ukraine. Then he remembered he was a musician. He had a gift to give. And they played with tenderness, gentleness, and emotional depth.  Ms. Wilson.











I heard their concert last night from Lincoln Center in, again, my home town. The music took my breath away, kept me spellbound, drew many tears to my eyes and down my cheeks, and reassured me, once again, that nothing is lost in God’s compassionate almighty heart—NOTHING.      

Sunday, September 4, 2022

2022.09.04 What Is Freedom? Lyn G. Brakeman, Spiritual Lemons, blog post


Below is the obituary of a solitary confinement prisoner that appeared in the latest issue of  the Economist This “punishment” is sinfully inhuman and accomplishes nothing except the silencing of one person’s outer voice. But what happens to the inner voice? 


Are not silence and solitude divine commodities sought by monastics and other brave retreatants who seek, and pay for, the graces of solitude and silence in retreat settings? 


And did not Jesus, in an abrupt, almost cruel way, teach that in order to fully serve the Good we have to separate ourselves from our most precious beloved attachments? (Luke 14:25-43)


****



Albert Woodfox, held in solitary confinement for more than four decades, died on August 5th, 2022, aged 75.















“I feel my soul as vast as the world, truly a soul as deep as the deepest of rivers; my chest has the power to expand to infin-ity. I was made to give.”   When Albert Woodfox first read those words of Frantz Fanon, he was sitting on the floor of a nine-by-six cell. Or on his concrete bunk, the only furniture apart from a metal toilet and a metal sink. There were bars on the door, and a tiny window that let in a sliver of sky. His ankles were shackled, and a leather strap bound his wrists to his waist. In these he would shuffle alone for an hour a day round a larger concrete space, ringed with barbed wire, which was laughably called the exercise yard. The other 23 hours he spent in his cell in the Louisiana State Penitentiary. He was there for almost 44 years, or 16,000 days, probably the longest spell of solitary for any man in the history of American prisons.    


The place was known as Angola. It had once been a slave plantation, holding mostly Angolans and growing mostly sugarcane on 18,000 acres. Cutting cane was now done by prisoners, labouring in gangs supervised by white guards who rode alongside with shotguns on their laps. The task was so brutal that men would pay to have limbs broken to avoid it. He had cut cane during his first stint there, before he was locked up alone. He was not nostalgic for it, not even for the company.


In summer his cell was torment. Mosquitoes ate him alive, and he sweated so much that his constant pacing left a wet stripe on the floor. But in any season at any time the worst things, the panic and claustrophobia, could hit him. Soaking sweat would tighten his floppy prison jumpsuit, and the walls would move towards him. The air and the ceiling would descend to smother him. He would leap up then, pacing and pacing, to send the horror away. Each morning on waking he asked himself whether this was the day he would at last lose his sanity.


He was there for a murder he had not committed, the stabbing of a guard called Brent Miller in 1972. Not a shred of evidence linked him to that crime, but he had picked up radical thinking in prison. That was enough to frame him. After three indictments and two trials he was found guilty, but the witnesses were unreliable and the U.S. Court of Appeals in 2014 overturned his conviction, mostly citing racism. The next year he was released after pleading “No Contest” to lesser charges: as good as innocent, to his mind. Almost all the time between he was in solitary, occasionally in the Red Hat block, where the walls were an arm-span apart, rats ran through the darkness and the only food was bread.


Of course he was no angel, but a hardened criminal. From boyhood, growing up ragged and poor in the Sixth Ward in New Orleans, he stole canned goods from shops and pastries from delivery vans. His mother tried to keep him straight but, arrogant, he wouldn’t listen. Older, he stole cars, stereos, tvs, and turned to armed robbery to support a heroin habit. He hurt his own people, black folk who had nothing, and didn’t care. His street name was Fox, but he chose to be a Wolf, who won any fight and who saw incarceration, especially in Angola, as a badge of honor. The only real freedom he knew in those years came when he and his gang would steal the tourist buggy-horses from their stable and race them at night in a park until their mouths foamed.


In Angola, though, he began to change. Conditions there were so bad that he cobbled together a moral code for himself. Sexual slavery was rife, but when he watched a new inmate weeping after being raped he determined to stamp it out. He and a fellow prisoner, Herman Wallace, set up a chapter of the radical Black Panthers—whose methods he had first observed in Tombs prison in Manhattan—to protest against the cane-cutting, and curbed stealing in their cell-tier by organising the share-out of food. They argued for black autonomy, dignity and self-esteem, free minds. When he was put in solitary, supposedly for the Miller murder but really for these ideas, Wallace and another Black Panther, Robert King, were locked in solitary too. Together they pledged that they would not only survive, but come out stronger.


So it happened. His own tiny cell now became a university, full of law books borrowed from the prison library. Armed with case law, read 40 or 50 times if need be, he won small privileges for all the solitary prisoners: fans, radios, magazine subscriptions and an end to unnecessary strip-searches. For two hours a day he would read about the troubles of the outside world, which not only took him mentally out of his cell but expanded his sympathy with the whole of suffering humanity. He did not care much now if, when he complained about his toilet blocking up, tear gas was sprayed in his face. Far worse was happening elsewhere.


A lot of noise went on too, but of a good sort. The ringing bars became a communication system on which prisoners could send maths tests to each other, or invent quizzes. They would play chess by shouting out their moves. His own greatest achievement, he felt, was to have taught a prisoner called Goldy to read. On his hour out, he would stand in front of Goldy’s cell and they would go through the dictionary together. After that, he encouraged his pupil to call him any time of the day or night if he still couldn’t understand. One glorious day Goldy found sounds and words knitting together, and the world opened up to him.


In all these ways, Fox’s solitary cell became the opposite of what his captors intended. It grew to contain the world. And when at last he was released, in February 2016 on his 69th birthday, the real world seemed in many ways no freer. He moved there, still, as though he felt his shackles. He avoided eye contact with others, and feared crowds because an attack might come from any side. In the security of his cell he had dived and soared. Outside, at first, he shrank again. It took a while for him to grow into a fierce campaigner for an end to the evil of solitary confinement, but when he did he discovered afresh the truth he had learned in that nine-by-six cell: that his soul was as vast as the world, as deep as the deepest river, as wide as infinity, and as free.


Albert Woodfox, held in solitary confinement for more than four decades, died on August 5th, aged 75.


*  *  *  *


This is beyond brilliant testimony!!  I know there is still some protesting against solitary confinement and hope for its elimination. I've never thought it a good idea anyway, but this obituary, in the most painfully true and miraculous way, gives it spiritual meaning.


It affirms something at least for going on retreats of silence every once in a while.  The first time I ever went on such a retreat I felt angry for two whole days because no one was speaking to me. Of course we could roam about on the monastery grounds and there were wonderful silent meals at which we at least smiled across the table. And a few people by choice took their meals at a table alone. 


Soon I settled into it—and soon my own soul soared.  


How ancient, treacherous, and mysterious, after all,  is this phenomenon we call God, Holy, Infinite, Miracle, Soul, Allah, Buddha,  Christ, YHWH, and the like—soaring and immobilized at once?