2022.11.13 What? Lyn G. Brakeman, Spiritual Lemons, blog post

Be patient and do nothing extraordinary. Oh sure! I’m not that type, but thanks for the advice anyway. I’ll keep on trying till I bust, even when it seems as if I’m failing and flawed.

I have to admit this futility is some of what I have felt lately about our world, our country, our planet. I even stopped watching the news. I prayed and read the Bible over and over until everything looked the same to me, except the Psalms, well known for heart-rending laments. Mostly, I’ve felt dry and dull and edgy. 

I was reading a sentence in some book: “No one knew and no one knows.” I kept reading it over and over. Unexpectedly I suddenly felt real fear—real fear like a stab of lightning in my gut. What if this country stops being my home? What if the whole Earth just dies? I thought these thoughts were irrational, but there was nothing irrational about the knot of terror in my gut.

*  *  *  *

Then came Election Day, 2022. I went to bed without waiting up to see at least the first results. Strangely, I slept. 

Not until the evening did I listen to some news. Shocking! The American people went to the polls in record numbers. There was no youthful apathy. They voted. There was no violence. No one got shot. Political predictions of doom did not come true. Yes, the outcomes were according to my own hopes and party, but that wasn’t the point, just as winning is not always the point of a well run race. The point is that something very big had happened: WE happened. 

The American people, we the people, actually voted for our lives together and for our democracy. No one knew and no one knows exactly how or why this happened, despite many theories, stats, and pundits. And no one can predict the future, though many will try anyway.

Jonathan Capehart, PBS News Hour commentator, said “The American people proved they can walk and chew gum at the same time.”  The electorate chose Democracy, period. This could be the emergence of an anti-authoritarian move—proof that we actually know how to get things done without violence or noisy political bullying. 

My gut fear has been replaced by gratitude without reservation for being American.

Jesus told his panicky followers during apocalyptic times: Sit tight. Do nothing extreme. Trust the process. “By patient endurance you will save your lives.” (Luke 20:19) 

2013.07.24 Prepping for the Annual Physical

As the time of my annual physical check up approached I began my usual obsessing about whether I should go on a quick fasting diet to fool the scales.

Then another thought came to mind:I’ve had age-normal falls which landed me with a couple of black eyes and most recently black and blue legs. My doctor has all this data and had examined me accordingly. She never asked if someone was beating me up. Like maybe I never fell. I’d said I never tripped. She even ordered brain tests to make sure there was no evidence of stroke or seizure activity.

My doctor knows me and trusts me, and I her. She knows my husband too and trusts him. But I know my doctor is supposed to ask anyway.

Choking with laughter at this realization, I ran to tell my husband who said with a grim grin, “I’m toast.” And we laughed some more.

This is not to make fun of the terrible crime of domestic abuse. Nor to discount all the effective awareness work I and others have done over the years about this serious often hidden issue. 

Humor aside, my experience made me realize how easy it is to hide and disguise truth, especially if you feel threatened or without resources. I also wondered about trust.  How and why do you trust someone?  Believe them at their word?  I have no idea. I just happen to think it’s the best policy. And the second best policy is to ask questions.

I also know how hard it is for professionals, myself included, to ask someone, usually a woman, is she is a  victim, “feels safe at home.” It humiliates. I don’t want to add more hurt, more bruise. So I’m glad for regulations that require me to ask hard questions. I can blame the law.

Guess I’ll just go on a quick diet and thank Godde for the graces in my life.  

When I went to my physical I asked my doctor why she never asked. After she gave me some information about domestic violence regulations, which I knew. She told me about the location of most d.v. wounds, except for teeth. She told me she had directly asked a friend, “Who did this to you?” The woman wasn't a patient. Sadly, there was nothing more to do except advise about resources.   

There was more to our conversation than I can write. This doctor is thoroughly informed, aware about the law and about domestic violence dynamics and not hesitant to probe. I have complete confidence in this doctor, both medically and as a woman of integrity and justice.

After our serious conversation ended, she got a twinkle in her eye and said, “He’s such a charming guy, that husband of yours.  

Indeed he is.

Trust 2

Yesterday I posted a poetic prayer by Teillhard de Chardin. It is beautiful and wise to me.

Teillhard de Chardin (1881-1955) was a French Jesuit, scientist and theologian. As a paleontologist, biologist, philosopher and Christian visionary, Teillhard dedicated his life to the idea that the whole cosmos and everything in it was connected, that one heartbeat drove it all. He envisioned a convergence of heart, not mind, through a global information network.

Not far from what contemporary quantum physics is telling us and what Christian biblical theology has implied and often stated in phrases like “All things are one in Christ.” Or the vision of Godde drawing all things into divinity for ultimate wholeness.

Teillhard was a man of faith so he writes as he prays. To me his way of speaking about trust and patience has turns of phrase that were ahead of his time but right on. For example: Trust in Ourselves and the Slow Work of God. Notice the and, a linking word. The relationship of humanity and divinity is intimately connected—enough to be a partnership. Your earthly life in time evolves by a process of grace and circumstances acting on your own good will. It may take a Very long time to get to where most of us think we want to, or must, be—yesterday.

I envision a dance, a waltz like I did once with my dad. We started out clumsy and stepping all over each other’s feet. He was a fine dancer and I had no ballroom grace. He took the lead. I resisted, my control needs in high gear. He wrapped his strong arm tightly around me. I began at last to get the rhythm; our hearts and our feet moved to one beat. The feeling was a mysterious combination of deep peace and thrill. We were one. And, silly bonus, we won the waltz contest.

That’s spirituality—the graceful moment when it all comes together, you are in harmony with everyone and everything, and you are gratefully surprised. It is, as Teillhard says, as if there is more to it than just your will alone.

Going with the flow is a great idea, but you can’t make it happen, but simply be willing for it to happen when you decide to trust rather than push.

My waltz with Dad didn’t take very long but lots of other things have and do. Teillhard suggests we give God the benefit of our doubt, letting God believe he or she is leading—what I did with Dad, only he really was leading.

Trust 1

Patient Trust in Ourselves and The Slow Work of God

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally,
impatient in everything to reach the end
without delay.
We should like to skip
the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being
on the way to something unknown,
something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability—
And that it may take a Very long time.

And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually—
let them grow
let them shape themselves,
without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today
what time (that is to say, grace and
circumstances acting
on your own good will)
will make you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of
feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

Pierre Teillhard de Chardin