There are very few things or people I care about that I do not first doubt. My rule of life has been: Always doubt first, then always ask questions to check your doubt.
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Since early childhood, as so many of you know already, I have loved and talked to God and felt loved and heard in return. No one taught me this. My younger sister is witness to my early habit. The above is not a religious statement. There is nothing doctrinaire about it; nor is it particularly spiritual, full of holiness and zealotry for Christ, my Church, or my vocation. Rather, it is about self-doubt/God-doubt and testing out my personal confidence in God’s existence. My practice grew into my love of the Bible and its stories, and my keen appreciation for the disciple of Jesus, who has lovingly and distastefully, been nicknamed “Doubting Thomas.” Like me, he only sought to make sure, to eliminate his doubt.
Now that I have written a mouthful of personal truth, I can easily move inward to engage my love of Thomas, the supposedly failed and shamed disciple. Jesus never shamed him! His story is written in the Gospel according to John, therefore it is dated later than the others by at least 30 years. This does not make it wiser, but it makes it more influenced by early Greek philosophy, and perhaps more bold in its assertions of Jesus as the one and only Christ/ Messiah for all. I love and worship Jesus the Christ, yes, and I doubt that such commitment is necessary to everyone’s well-being or salvation.
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Scene: as remembered by the Johannine school of writers in John 20:19ff.
Jesus has died a tragic unjust death by crucifixion. His disciples, except Thomas who was not with them at this gathering, are stunned, grieving, still wondering at the report of Jesus’s appearance to Mary Magdalene, and uncertain what they should do next. They gather, fearing persecution as followers of Jesus, when Jesus appears to them, invites them to touch his wounds as evidence, and offers them peace. He then tells them to receive the Holy Spirit, speaks briefly about the spiritual value of forgiveness as well as the dangerous power of unforgiven “retained” sins. (Today, we might call this process letting go with love.)
Commentary: Now this is brilliant therapy, not to mention a recipe for success in the living out of Jesus’s Gospel/ the “golden rule”—then and now—for which they now will be the witnesses, the advocates, the teachers, the models. It is an enormous and difficult challenge to communicate, not the appearance of a miracle but the commission to spread Peace and Forgiveness. This is the challenge for all of us now in this world, regardless of race, religion, sex, politics, or cultural bias.
Scene: Disciples gather again, a week later (John 20:26). This time Thomas is with them as they continue to puzzle over the mysterious appearance of Jesus and their monumental task of living out his message. Thomas doubts the veracity of their experience and wants physical proof. Jesus shows up again and offers to Thomas his hands and side, so Thomas can touch his wounds. Proof. Thomas declares Jesus his Lord and Savior. Jesus honors Thomas’ doubt habit and reminds him not to get “peacockish” about his need for proof, but to consider himself blessed. Jesus adds that there are many who will not have this same opportunity who will also be blessed with great faith.
Commentary: There is no need to take these stories literally in order to take them seriously. Do not wait for miracles. Do not insist or badger others to be Christian. Divine Love is broad and deep and wide. I doubt it’s tied to any one religion. I have spent many years reading, praying, researching, questioning, and assuring myself that this “doubt” is valid. The message has no restrictions or confinements at all. God, no doubt, is cosmically present to all creation.
Simply use all your strength, energy, and faith to act with love and compassion, spreading peace and forgivingness to humans and nature along this way of Life.
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Postscript: The Doubter of scriptural note has a gospel of his own, The Gospel of Thomas. It was discovered in 1945 by an Egyptian farmer in Nag Hammadi. In addition, some much earlier (about 200 BCE) fragments of papyrus with a style and language demonstrated by scholars to fit with the later manuscript, have also been discovered. The Gospel of Thomas has no narrative but is made up only of sayings of Jesus ie. “Jesus said . . .” Some of them that Jesus scholars considered authentic include the Parable of the Sower, Mustard Seed, Lilies of Field, and pay your taxes=Caesar’s due. Attitudes toward women and their role are distinctly and rigidly patriarchal, one even suggesting women change their sex, which does not mean have a sex-change operation. This latter patriarchal text is very doubt-free to yours truly, because it is still true.
