Ouch and cringe! We cry and run in fear, imagining that there is a fierce God high above us who sees all and judges all—our every move, and even our inner thoughts.
Not True!
What I was a young child of six or seven we summered in a small farmhouse in Ancramdale, New York. This farming community was radically rural without a skyscraper in sight—an exhilarating contrast to the big city I lived in and loved. Here I could see vast expanses of open sky and empty fields where cows grazed and crops grew. On clear nights I saw all the twinkling stars, twinkling just for me. The “heavens”.
Next to our house an enormous cornfield stretched out as far as my eye could see. I wanted to explore it but felt scared. What if I got lost? But that was impossible I figured, because the rows were neat and orderly just like the lines on my school writing tablet. I could count each row and the number of stalks. I wouldn’t get lost. Excitedly, I stepped into the field and walked up and down some rows. Soon I began to run. Then I stood still and listened to the gentle whooshing of the sleek green leaves looping from each stalk. The field became my hideout—a place safe enough to whisper my secret.
I hated my mother. Well, not all the time and not for everything, but I hated that she gave me too much attention, lavishing me with praise and telling me I was perfect. I knew I wasn’t. I even stole a pack of gum once. No one should hate such an adoring mother, right? I bet God would totally disapprove. Still, I had to tell my secret, very softly at first, then louder and louder, daily until harvest. I felt relieved when each time it all floated away in the hush and sh-h-h of the cornfield, every summer for years.
And do you know that cornfield never told my secret. Never.
* * * *
This is how I learned that God is not vengeful, punitive. We are. Godde is not. Judgment did NOT mean divine condemnation or rejection. It simply means exposure to truth, bringing something into the light, no more and no less.
YES, it might hurt a lot.
NO, the world does not need to know.
YES, there are consequences.
YES, nothing is beyond forgiveness—not yours, not your neighbors, not G-d’s.
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